Conservative Socialism

I got to thinking recently about what some experts call the "shadow welfare state" -- the system of government benefits to companies and individuals which have effectively escaped the grasp of public discourse. This is composed of the mishmash of confusing corporate tax codes, haphazard grants, and ad hoc regulatory rulings.

The funniest thing to me about this is that it effectively establishes a form of "socialism" -- if we take the term loosely defined as "state resources being used to help individuals" -- which are applied in a haphazard fashion to benefit the more powerful segments of society. In particular, large, "strategic" industries (like agrosciences, pharmaceuticals, automotive manufacturing, military suppliers) get partial treatment from the government for any number of reasons -- because these people donated more to a politicians campaign, or a politician on the budget committee thinks it's worthwhile, or there's a legacy subsidy that's been captured by a big industry (like corn subsidies and agrobusiness, which used to buoy up poor farmers).

Combined with American conservatives' pejorative use of the term "socialism," I thought it would be appropriate to point out conservative uses of government to benefit particular groups, corporations, or individuals. And thus, the hashtag #ConservativeSocialism was born to point out the hypocrisy in decrying certain forms of "socialism" while turning a blind eye to others.

And now, for a list of #ConservativeSocialism posts I made today, along with some other good ones posted by others:

#ConservativeSocialism's growth plan: give the rich more money, and good fortune is bound to come your way.

#ConservativeSocialism has a recovery plan: fire millions, imprison them when they revolt, then pay the rest to guard prisons.

#ConservativeSocialism guarantees that the New World Order will be exactly the same as the Old World Order.

#ConservativeSocialism sub-contracts watching the watchmen to the watchmen themselves, then rewards themselves for efficiency.

#ConservativeSocialism says the only good education is a mortgaged education.

#ConservativeSocialism means foreclosing on millions of homes at a time is a viable business strategy.

(by @Socialism4USA on Twitter) #ConservativeSocialism means "we socialize the losses (on you) and conserve the profits (for ourselves)".

#ConservativeSocialism means Wall Street owns Main Street, so you better get used to it.

#ConservativeSocialism considers the army its "hostile takeover" division.

#ConservativeSocialism means the atmosphere has already been bought and paid for -- why not use it up and throw it away?

#ConservativeSocialism means your business competitors will always be your friends.

#ConservativeSocialism means the government knows better than you if you should be sitting down for this.

#ConservativeSocialism guarantees its First Citizens the freedom from competition, thanks to hostile takeovers.

#ConservativeSocialism means our foreign policies are dictated by the needs of corporations.

#ConservativeSocialism means defending all-American patriots from the evils of people camping in public places.

#ConservativeSocialism has a cradle-to-the-grave welfare system: it's called being born rich.

#ConservativeSocialism means the welfare of landscaping is more important than the welfare of the teeming masses.

#ConservativeSocialism means rule by the powerful, for the powerful, of the powerful.

#ConservativeSocialism means having the freedom to own all the presses so they only say good things about your friends.

#ConservativeSocialism means putting judges in office that rule in favor of corporations, the only important citizens.

#ConservativeSocialism means a war every ten years, just to make things interesting (and to pad their friends' checkbooks).

#ConservativeSocialism means grants for churches to teach abstinence, but no grants for Planned Parenthood to hand out condoms.

#ConservativeSocialism means a bloated, unmanageable mess of a Pentagon, riddled with pet projects to favored companies.

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#ConservativeSocialism means the government should pay taxes to the rich for having the decency to create all the jobs.

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Keep up the good fight and, as always, semper lulis, amigos.